Atmôspheré
$15.00
ORDER AN ACTUAL BOTTLE OF ATMÔSPHERÉ!!!
The Atmôspheré COMMERCIAL:
The Atmôspheré SOUNDTRACK:
DESCRIPTION
ATMÔSPHERÉ (pronounced “at-MOSE-fur-AY ”) is a serendipitous masterpiece forged from a combination of artisanal negligence, Bonsucro™ certified pallet mismanagement, and a visionary lack of international cargo insurance. Originally intended to hold 7 yr Philippines rum, our cask fell 20 ft to the Earth – the rum perished … but our GREED survived, resulting in the bottle you now hold, you sucker.
DISTILLED: 20 bazillion year B.C.
MARQUE: M.U.S.S.(Mega Ultra Super Smooooth)
ADDITIVE free • CALORIE free • RUM free
AGING: Simultaneous Tropical, Continental & Galaxial
FILTRATION : HEPA
ANGEL’S SHARE: 100%
ABV: 0.0%
We source the finest casks of Quercus Emptyus, add internal staves (hand shattered for maximum flavor) and insist on open air secondary fermentation by our indigenous S. Flambée yeast.
NOSE: Ozone, Ragweed, Uncle Jebediah’s Abdominal Gas
PALLET : Cheap Ass Pine, Bent Nails, Lotsa Splinters
FINISH : Ultra Light, Ethereal, Eternal
STRENGTH: 0.00001% ABV (look, you never know)
H20: We suggest adding water EGREGIOUSLY (so you don’t die of thirst)
CHARITY: 5% of the contents of this bottle goes to the Foundation for the Restoration of the Air of Planet SpaceBall
GOVERNMENT WARNING: (1) According to the Surgeon General, this shit is totally fine for pregnant women, pregnant men, pregnant pauses, etc. 2) Not recommended for fish, electric eels, sea sponges (WTF are those freaky bastards anyway?)
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